COVID-19: FRISKY IS RISKY

The world has a new companion, he is omnipresent.

And yet, I am not even sure if he is where I am, or how many times he was within my range. He is so small, in fact he is super tiny. I cannot see him, nor can I evaluate how to avoid his powerful grip. He seeks to be attached to people – so, STAY ALERT and avoid what makes us human!

Corona is his name. Nobody likes him, but HE finds his way in. He turned up out of nowhere and avalanched the planet into lockdown. Countless households in isolation. He made us change our human ties. Separation from one and all – including those we love, unless we are locked in together. So, what about being single? What about those who have to learn to be their own best friend?

Well, I am stuck at home alone. The flat is my oyster. What is there to do all day?

Week one, week two, week three, cabin fever from week four. Zoom meetings, House Parties, WhatsApp calls, a new way of being. Underneath it all, I have to admit: “I’m lonely and bored - what a dangerous combination.”

Social essentials include our need for friendship, family, and connection with others. Did you know that hugs can make you happier? Scientists say that hugging releases Oxytocin, some people call it the ‘cuddle hormone’. This is because its levels rise when we hug, touch, or sit close to someone else. Oxytocin is associated with happiness and stress deduction. But thanks to Corona, when you are single, touching others is not only impossible, it’s illegal!!!

OK then, I am just looking after myself, I can do that. Home cooking is key, 3 times a day, despite limited food shopping. There is nothing wrong with this routine, I do love cooking. It’s just… it is only ME eating it all. Missing YOU, dear PEOPLE. How much I would like to invite you; without your company I am going insane. Let me tell you something: I am beginning to see things that I did not notice before. Should I be worried about what’s on my plate???

The world looks different, too. Or, perhaps, I just have more time taking it all in. STOP, take a closer look, what does all of this mean? I was told ‘life is empty and meaningless’. But if this is so, life would be so much less fun. WHERE is the fun, if not in my mind???

The pubs are shut. The clubs are shut. However, I have two hands, I can hold two glasses. “Cheers” says the right hand to the left one. “Yes, Prost!'' answers the left hand. “Chin-chin!!!” “Another one?'“ asks the right? “Ja, ja, mit Vergnügen”.

Both hands fondle their glasses. No social distancing between me and my hands. So it continued - and then I passed out!

I’ve got an uncontrollable urge.

Hmmm, with so little stimulation in the house, buying myself something new would feel good, right? As the shops are closed, I am turning to the Internet: treat yourself, “add to cart”, a little rush of pleasure.

What’s next is waiting for it to arrive. It hasn’t yet, but I am only in week 6!!!

Another week passes. Daydreaming. Delicious and divine fantasies. And music from Talk Talk:

Baby, don't try to shade it
Beauty is naked

Baby, life's what you make it!!!

How many times can you clean the flat? In week one I still had all the energy. I even painted the kitchen AND the hallway. Week two: intensive scrubbing followed, the bathroom sparkled. Those days are gone by now. What’s the matter with my flat that it looks the same as before? Repetition is my enemy!

Fear forecast: daily intake on death tolls, NHS distress, which country wins the statistics, WTF... I think I have seen it all – and learned nothing. News reports, as they currently flood into my isolation, are worse than invincible Corona, because I find myself FORCED TO SEE THEM no matter what channel I switch on.

Resilience: as a self-employed creative individual, I try not to look at anything as a waste of time. I mean, it wasn't a waste of time, turning Corona over and over, until the day was gone, was it??? At least I wasn’t thinking about what I would normally be thinking of. Such as ‘where is the next job coming from’ or ‘what kind of date am I picking for the weekend’. Totally pointless, see what I mean?

There was a moment when I nearly cried. Week 1 or 2 it was, I walked past a shop window display, offering Easter decoration. All these little bunnies and colourful eggs and what have you. Out of the blue this cheerful sight deeply touched my heart, sentimental little me. No playful Easter gatherings this year!!! So, during Easter weekend, this is what I did instead.

PS: I am in week 8 now and the big parcel from above still hasn’t arrived, but a much smaller one has. Now I have my own Womanizer, it’s coral coloured, and I can charge it via USB. Bliss and bless!!!

Additional essentials, for those who are part of the desperation club: did you know that there are even audio porn sites out there? It’s like people are using their imagination again. Or – undoubtedly more fun – remote-controlled sex toy devices called Tele-Dildonics!!! But that’s not for singles, that’s for couples that live apart. Really, I had no idea, even throughout lockdown, (almost) everything is possible!

And do you know what SEXTING is? Sending explicit text messages isn’t exactly new, but since the Internet has become our love-line, this showed up on many of our screens. Safer than sex, especially if you just found that guy on Tinder. Size doesn’t matter, or the colour of the skin, or if he or she just ate a kebab with garlic sauce! When they don’t find the right words of steam fueled action, just ditch them and start looking again, right?

Lockdown is on the way out. Surely, I’m glad that I survived unharmed. However, deep down I am nervous and confused. Going back to normal – after what we just had was now becoming normal...? Anyone out there who would agree that lockdown – and turning every day into a Sunday – wasn’t actually that bad?

Still longing for a decent snog though. Oh well, Corona, it’s time to kiss you goodbye.

Disclaimer: Photographs on this blog are taken by Astrid Schulz Photography, some of them on a mobile phone. However, in some cases the images show somebody else’s artwork. The top picture has been taken at Fuhlsbüttel Airport, Hamburg; it was spotted on a billboard some years back. The artist and the purpose of the image is unknown and I hope it is OK that I am using it. The nude young lad with the green leaf is from a window display in Arles, France. Again, artist and purpose are forgotten by now, but his memory lives on… Also, the two very last images are taken off window displays in London during lockdown. ‘On Sundays we wear Pyjamas’ is from Tenzins, Oxford Circus. And SNOG (slightly modified) is a company that sells frozen yogurt, found in Soho. Thanks for the inspiration caused.