9th August: my birthday. During the summer I visit Regent’s Park Inner Circle. Inside I find the roses numbered and named. Discovering number 63, perfectly matching as my personal rose. And I’m lucky in August; restrictions are at ease and I am able to have a picnic with my friends, not far from that rose garden. Moments of freedom and plenty of spirit…

18th March: cancellation of my next freelance job booking – 5 days before the beginning of lockdown in the UK. No more ‘going to work’ for many of us. Office workers, especially clerks, are known as ‘blue collar workers’. However, for the time being the shirts stay nicely ironed in the wardrobe.

Mid-June 2020, Saturday afternoon. A friend calls from Soho, trying to encourage me to join him. “It’s incredible, there’re chairs and tables everywhere, come down”. Marginally tempted but still cautious, I decline. Later in the evening he called again, even more enthusiastic: “Street party on Frith Street! Come on, let’s have a gin and tonic!” Torn! How to deal with the idea of having a weekend?

Having a ticket for Germany for the 19th December, I could have made it out. However, I choose to quit visiting my family. Sad, but thinking optimistically, there will be other stranded people to spent Christmas with! On the very day at 4pm, the government announces: “Christmas 2020 is cancelled”. Crowds flee London instantly to avoid being trapped by new restrictions. I wish I’d had the courage…

Hibernating, night and day. What keeps me going during the first lockdown is the sun. During the second, it’s the promise of Christmas socializing until it crashed. Now I am not so sure anymore, but there is plenty of time to do my gratitude list. Summary of new discoveries: music by Ibrahim Maalouf; homemade Paleo bread; Sunday visits to the farmer’s market; more music by Ibrahim Maalouf… By the way, what day of the week is it today?

I wasn’t interested in the cyclist. I just liked the reflection of the ‘Boris Bus’ on the road. Then that guy rides through my picture. As they always do, those bikes, they take over the street. Boris Johnson says in an interview in 2019 he makes models of buses to relax. He also rides a bike. In January 2021, the press criticises the prime minister for taking a bike ride 11 kilometres away from Downing Street: under lockdown rules people are urged to stay local as they exercise. Being a rebel myself, I think in this instance he should have got away with it.

Talking… one of my friends works at the NHS 111 helpline. When he receives calls, some people abuse him, telling him how to run the NHS. Most callers are great, whereas others question everything he says. Working at 111 has highlighted conversations that are simply “ego-based bullshit” that make no difference; and then, the conversations that really do. “Most of us think we know what’s right – believe me, we don’t. It’s worthwhile asking the question: does this make a real difference?”

Stand-up comedy turns into stay-home tragedy. Regent Street – at my local cinema, I fondly remember watching ‘Jojo Rabbit’. Laughter, walking home at night feeling alive.
Standing here again exactly one year later and still no end to the disruption, I conclude that life without the arts is fundamentally distressing.
A quote from ‘Jojo Rabbit’, which is in fact a line from Rilke: “Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final”.

On my neighbourhood walks I observe the changes in Fitzrovia. One day, walking down Charlotte Street, I count the restaurants that disappeared. A mouth that is losing its teeth and ends up with gaps. I note down the street numbers with no more ‘business’, and later that day I use them for playing the lottery. I did not win. I will try again with another street.

There was so much pandemic talk that I did not notice Brexit at first. Noticeably, it took them 4 years to rip up old rules of British politics. We are now left with trying to work out what has changed, what a surprise. Whilst contemplating what the future holds, I discover a playlist on Soundcloud, which is named: UK Fragments (Brexit Mix). Song titles are ‘Exit Woundz’, ‘Such a Shame’, ‘Cruel Summer’. Wow - I am amused!!! Here is another song: ‘Brothers, Sisters. We don’t need that fascist groove thing’, by Heaven 17.

A quote by ancient Greek playwrite Sophocles: “One must wait until the evening to see how splendid the day has been.”
2nd February ’21: In memory of 100-year-old Captain Sir Tom Moore – probably one of the most moving coronavirus related deaths reported in the news. Captain Tom raised almost £33m for NHS charities by walking laps of his garden. What kept him going? “Tomorrow is a good day”, that’s is how he lived his life.

What makes us human, I wonder? The fact that we can create stories and place them in the past as well as the future? The fact that we can think, and when we think we think it’s the truth? Furthermore, that we can laugh and cry and rage and dream when we are touched by other people’s stories?
Where do all our stories go when this is gone? Streaming, really?

Nothing is straightforward these days. Buying a simple bra turns into frustration. Special offer: buy one, get a 2nd one half price! “You can try them on, if you insist,” the sales assistant says with a friendly voice. “But I would prefer if you don’t. We have to sterilize whatever you touch.” “Choose a bra without trying it on?” “Well, yes, you can bring them back if they don’t fit”.
And then, the shops on Oxford Street are closing their doors again.

Carnaby Street in January – another Saturday. I wonder if it is safe to go through the quiet streets on my own, with a camera in my hand. I might get robbed, you see? A friend calls, I share my thoughts. He calms me down: “Burglary, theft and robbery rates all fell dramatically during lockdown – instead, there is a growing rate for crimes such as online scams, or attending secret parties”. Well, it’s just after 5pm – not the slightest sign of a party. But at least - my camera and I are safe!

Buy A Bigger Picture on Amazon: Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders! How on earth did they end up conquering the market? ‘Taking over’: to begin to control control. The successor takes over when someone gives up a position or title or when something becomes outdated. The noun ‘successor’ was first used in the 13th century to mean ‘one who comes after.’ You don’t like the bigger picture? You look sick, you should go home.

A vacant shop in Bond Street receives a clever makeover by an estate agent, which prompts me to explore the significance of TIME. Back in April 2020, the FT Weekend magazine publishes the article ‘The Pandemic is a Portal’. It argues that the pandemic presents us with an unparalleled opportunity to re-imagine our future. According to Astrology, planet Earth is entering the age of Aquarius right now, which influences the rise and fall of civilizations and cultural tendencies. Promising!

In between lockdowns I am visiting friends. My Goddaughter surprises me with a comment; she announces that she is worried about never being able to kiss a boy. She is 11 years old. We try to talk that fear away, telling her about the 80s and what we learned from HIV, but deep down I have to admit, I have thoughts like this myself. 2020 has been quite a drought when it comes to producing Oxytocin. Do we need rapid tests before condoms from now on?

These days, mostly staying at home in varying degrees of self-isolation, I have plenty of time on my hands to ponder the relationship between time and experience. My days turn into dreamlike situations, casting unwanted changes on established facts, becoming cognisant of the fact that all things and concepts around me are man-made. Especially the ‘meaning’ we give the world; in fact, everything is empty and meaningless. Not sure where I am going with this.

Piccadilly Circus, 1st lockdown: how to spread joy, and honour those on the frontline. Once a week there is clapping. Rainbows appear across the nation. The press is positive, and Social Media is contagious. Charitable people collect and stitch and cook and donate to make ends meet. Others play a song for what is out of tune. Every little helps!
Months later, 3rd lockdown: NHS workers are offered a pay-rise of 1%. Thank you, heroes.

The atmosphere in Soho’s streets is truly inviting. However, my current financial situation restricts participation. A gateway opens: the Photographers’ Gallery accepts my press pass and I visit the exhibition for free. Around the corner on Carnaby Street a waiter offers free cocktails, and on my way to Great Marlborough Street I meet a street cleaner. He hands me a chicken wrap and a fruit salad from Pret. I eat it on Soho Square, whilst watching strangers playing table tennis. Abundance day!

Berlin – London – Sao Paulo in Brazil. Connected for a 12hour cross-platform DJ session via Zoom. It is still daytime in Sao Paulo when I join the party. On one of the tiny screens I can see a person jumping into a pool, then enjoying the event on an inflatable swimming pool lounger with a cocktail. Thanks for the reminder, guys!

Chinese New Year 2020: For the year of the Metal Rat, a Hong Kong-based geomancer had two pieces of advice: “Don’t be argumentative and try to change anyone’s minds, and find a safe place and hide.”
Predictions for the year of the Ox 2021, starting on 12th February 2021, include, “It's a ‘holding pattern’. Keep calm and carry on as best you can, but hold off on major moves if you're able. Try not to be obsessive about following the news, because so much information is in the air."

Breathing. 8 minutes and 46 seconds suddenly mean the world. On TV, I hear Billie Holiday’s song ‘Strange Fruit’, so moving. Nina Simone still makes me shiver when I think of her ‘Backlash Blues’. Two powerful heroes of a different kind, and yet, they both died of the same injustice, gradually applied throughout their lives. Decades later, I take another breath of air, wishing it was fresh.

Staying at home but avoiding the scales. My head goes: it doesn’t really look right – part of this weight is surely my camera, and my pyjamas. Imagine 3 kilo packs of sugar, or 1½ standard sized bricks tied to your body, and you carry this around all day. Apparently, a brain is designed to save energy, so mine thinks this information is too much effort to digest and it commands me to remain seated! Cannot argue with brick brains.

14th February: first week of the UK’s third lockdown experience. I am walking in and out of previously planned arrangements. Not far from my home are two corresponding iron cast statues by Antony Gormley from his worldwide project ‘Another Time’; one figure stands inside an office building, one is outside. Gormley describes these isolated forms “An attempt to bear witness to what it is like to be alive and alone in space and time”.

Somewhere else in space and time: “Hello, hello, can you hear me? Are you ready?
Shall we start then? Okay, great. I am going to put you on mute, if that’s all right.
Let’s stay connected. Good Bye!”

Reality seems to be a matter of perception. Never before in my life have I been showered by so many opinions and senseless discussions. Does this virus really exist – or is it all just a hoax? Shall I really get vaccinated or are we just a bunch of Guinea pigs? Which group is right and what is wrong? Shall I forget about switching the TV on – or ignore answering the phone? And hug a tree instead? Help!!!

4th February 2021, I note a comment in the Metro newspaper: “Further to a comment about 2 ‘metres’ being misspelt on shop floors, millions of us don’t know what two metres are but we do understand 6 feet”. Really? After 47 years of membership of the European Union? Somehow, I can’t stop wondering if the author of the above is a Brexit supporter.

The idea of impermanence can be challenging. Have you heard about King Solomon and his magic ring? The powers of the ring were such that when a happy person looked on it they became sad and when a sad person looked on it they became happy. If every moment is only temporary, then nothing – even good times – can last forever. That little reminder engraved on the ring: “this too shall pass”, is just what we need to feel humbled.

In the news, they are comparing the economic challenges after the pandemic with the situation after WWII… I think of my grandmother, she manages to flee from the Soviet zone into Western Germany, just before the borders closed. All she took was her sewing machine; she made clothes for everyone, and later she taught me to do the same. During lockdown I made two dresses, a skirt, a jacket and some masks in matching colours. Elsewhere, people made hospital scrubs. Fleeting thoughts in a world of temporary measures.

Our friend is cremated today. Dark green curtains close and conceal her coffin. Ashes: is that all that will remain? Scattering our thoughts, we walk on a discovery quest, searching for angels across the graveyard. “According to modern science, our body is only 6.3% solid, the rest is energy.” With this in mind, the idea of dying enters another dimension: “It’s not ashes, we are stardust!” I expected this day to be sad – who would have thought that walking in a graveyard would be so liberating!

Two friends manage to book a family visit overseas; they leave weeks before Christmas kicks in. But then, they could not return to the UK. Weeks pass – three further flights cancelled; now discussing if they want to lay out for a quarantine hotel upon arrival. Finally, they send me their keys – my job is to look after their post. Deep under the pile are dozens of Christmas cards. In the shops, there are already Easter bunnies.

Cemetery: a place for contemplation. Within a short space of time I find all the different nations that once lived in London, side by side distinguished by their names – and the style of their graves – which remind me of suburban front gardens. A poem stands out: “Don’t stand by my grave and weep. I am not here, I did not die”. If this is so, then this is not a place for the dead, this is a place for the living – holding on to memories.

The German word ‘Vielfalt’ consists of the words ‘many facets’. The English word is variety. That’s what I came to London for. So many different cultures, so much diversity, multifariousness right at my doorstep. China Town, Brixton Market, Brick Lane, just naming a few. Getting myself on a bus and going to Petticoat Lane Market, the sight of which now leaves me wounded. Without the stalls and shops I feel like I’m on a post-apocalyptic movie set. ’28 days after’ has turned into a year.

Conversation with a friend in Lower Saxony: one should distinguish between Home Office and home office. In the UK the Home Office is responsible for immigration, security, and law and order. Often disliked. And in Germany, home office, well, that’s just working from home. No offence, sitting in a Zoom conference with your pyjama bottoms on – or fighting with your cat, getting it off the keyboard. Like it or not, life is just suddenly… different!